Hello Everyone!
A quick thing to get you all up to speed....I have had Kane Daniel at home with me now so updating the blog has taken a backseat but I am going to work even harder to keep it current. A major reason being is that we've decided to move home to Minnesota. Thank GOD! I am relieved, terrified, disappointed and blissful about it - it's a little overwhelming. After a series of HELLO-wake up! calls, we have decided to close it down and return home.
In the meantime, we are struggling to pay bills. Another reason to move back, the economy is bad here still and there is work in Minnesota. Adrian tells me this is our last Christmas here, please GOD let it work out.
Ideally, we move back next fall/winter. Long before this I will need to get Jack situated into a preschool with some sort of assistant and arrange for him to go to school and see a speech therapist.
I will not have insurance for some time, unless I can arrange for it before we return. A speech therapist here charges 150 euros for the first consultation and then 50 euros for every session. And unless you have good insurance to cover these costs - they are quite expensive in Minnesota as well.
The question that runs through my brain, day in and out.
How do I make things happen without money? How can I manage this, get this or that, for Jack without money?
I've thought about getting a degree myself for Speech and Language to help Jack and other kids that struggle with language and communication - but there again. Money! And lots of time! Both of which I have none of, at the moment. Haha!
The health services here sometimes grant allowances for kids with special needs but you have got to FIGHT. As hard as you can, I'm in the middle of a battle now fighting to get Jack funding for help with his speech - help with testing and blood work lab fees.
And then there are the books - I bought several books second hand on autism and how it happens, what the finding and studies show. What interventions I can use and how to implement them to grow Jack from the inside out.
I would never wish this sort of struggle on anyone; to see your 4 year old unable to speak in sentences, even ask for something that you know he needs - it kills you as a parent. I am wired to care and nurture my kids, keep them safe.
How will he be safe? What if something happens to me? Or his Dad? What will happen? Who will fight for him? What if I can't get him home? What if someone tries to hurt him and he can't tell anyone. Oh my god, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Autism, fuck you.
That's reality and that's why I have to keep going. I hope all this will someday be a distant memory - a war we fought for freedom. The freedom to live in a world where we talk and laugh and tell jokes, read books and tell stories. I love you, Jack. Your mom's got a lot of fight left in her and she won't ever give up.
xxx....until next time!
Peace and love to you all.
