A GOOD DAY.

As I truly felt in my heart, Jack belongs in a "typical" Montessori and I can't tell you how relieved I am that I finally found the right fit for his needs. A wonderful, patient, sharp, sweet lady named Lynda has a small, rural school about 10 minutes out of town. We went to visit her on Wednesday, had a great chat, and I decided to start Jack that very next day. The top pic is of his first day and the second is just of today, so he's getting on brilliantly. She reports that he is very happy, playing away and exploring everything and making efforts to connect with the other children. Music to my ears, Lynda -- music to my ears! Everyone has "gifts"or something they are meant for - her calling is definitely child rearing and schooling. She is honest, trustworthy, and dedicated to my son, and him alone while he can be in an environment that is a perfect example of how children his age act and behave, while learning social skills too. 

As I type this - I'm crying. These kids have no place in the world yet. They are classified as "special needs" or disabled and for whatever true reason - the numbers are climbing. 

ONE IN TWENTY boys have autism. 

What's even stranger is the health service team that looks after Jack's "development" did not like the idea of me placing him into a typical environment - they were actually shocked I suggested different methods and approaches, after all they are the experts. 

So, after his diagnosis in late June, after a solid week of obsessive research - I found the forums online full to the brim with experienced parents with more knowledge of diet, schooling and development than any "team" I'd met. I wanted to find out what the other mothers had to say, what they would've done differently -- what they learned on this road through Autismland. 

Every single one of these "proactive" (head out of the sand type) mothers/practitioners/recoverers said TYPICAL. He needs to be in a typical Montessori setting. NOT an ASD Unit. 

So, then I said -- why? -- why are these professionals telling me, urging me, to place Jack in this ASD school? Why are they not listening to ME? His mother, hi - that's me - I'm with him about 95% of the time he's awake, and never away from him longer than a day at a time, mostly less. Why aren't these people listening to us? I never, ever wanted to take Jack to St. Anne's and it's absolutely for no other reason other than I truly believe he will learn from his peers. If the kids at St. Anne's can't walk, talk, or refrain from attacking each other - why would I send him there? 

Anyway--he's out of that school now and doing so much better only after two days!! So exciting!

If I can get his stool/urine tests done and start Jean's plan we will really be making good steps towards a recovery. And I'll settle for nothing less than a recovery. He will have an amazing life full of love and happiness - I could care less what he does with his life as long as he's happy and content. I just want him to realize how much he's loved. 

Thank you to my sweet, sweet sister-in-law BFF Mo for sending over a giftcard to get all of Jack's groceries this week -- it will really help out! Love you!

FUA

Today, I received the test kits for Jack's stool and urine samples. Not sure if this will happen anytime soon, sad to say as each of these are roughly 350 euros each, yes --- each. I'll find a way somehow. Right now, with work at it's slowest of the year and rent going up it's not looking good but if there's a will there's a way. RIGGHHHTTT?! 

It's no wonder that people are so FREAKING HAPPY when/if they get approved for the Domiciliary Care Allowance because at least you have a fighting chance to get the help you need for your kid.
It's funny how I used to give a shit about makeup or my clothes or fucking jewelry - I never really spent any real money on "stuff" and as a proud clearance Target shopper knowing all the days they marked everything down - none of that shit matters. (sorry for the potty-mouth). This is MY space to vent, so.....this sucks. A lot. I guess I have to remain thankful for what I have, count my blessings but some days that sucks too. I don't want to count my fucking blessings right now, I want to get these tests sent in so I can figure out why the hell my child blows raspberries for 10 hours a day and contorts his arms and face as he flicks his fingers and makes a choking sound while doing it. 

I want fucking answers. And I want to fix him. Fuck You Autism.

The. Stress.

Lahinch Beach, September 2014

And so it begins....the school year. With this comes stress, worry, doubt, and did I say...STRESS. I am at a loss right now trying to decide which is a better fit for Jack - this ASD unit or a typical Montessori where Jack will learn from his peers.

We went to the beach over the weekend and Jack was TERRIFIED of the water. He used to love it but things certainly do change, and while we hope for new, good change.....we cope and count the good things we do have.  

A love.

Can I just say that this little fella saves me every day. Saves me from ever giving up or getting tired, or losing hope. He makes my heart sing, my darling Kane.

School Dilemma Update & Devil Worshipping (not really, calm down) :)

Ok, so I met with Marian, Jack's teacher at St. Anne's School for Special Needs. We talked about my concerns and their plan for him, and after leaving I felt much better about him attending there. She completely agreed with my concerns and promised to work with me, keeping me informed of his progress. 

When I asked about her training she said she's been through every single available course around autism and the therapies in place. She is very positive and we agree the best scenario for Jack would be mainstream school next year. 

In the meantime, I'm going to implement our plan for supplements and diet changes based off of Jean's recommendations. Here begins the long hard road, where we give back to Jack what he needs and worry less about our own needs. Every single penny will have to go into his care and wow - it's not cheap. I applied for the Domiciliary Care Allowance a few weeks ago and that can take up to 14 weeks to get - IF you get it (very difficult to get approved) BUT - they do back date it to the time of diagnosis. We would find out sometime then in November and I suppose I could hold off on therapies and supplements until then but this is his window - from 3 -5 years old and he's turning 4 in November. Any loving mom would start now - so I'll do what I can. The diet is expensive but I'm used to living cheap and cutting corners so I'll put all that into practice to get him what he needs. 

Jill, Also--remember a bread machine/food processor can be bought second hand online. (adverts, donedeal, etc) 

Jack has a tough time with textures and espeically chewing any type of meat so I'll have to get crafty at getting that into him - protein is a major part of supporting his immune system while the supplements and other parts of the diet programme work to heal his gut issues. 

As if it's not hard enough to watch your baby stim on something for an hour, you have to figure out how to squeeze every dime into his recovery care. 
At this point I'd sell my soul to save his - if only I believed in the devil. 

There are really only two ways to deal with this all - just like with everything else in life.

1.You can stick your head in the sand, continue, hoping and praying for change all the while appreciating what you have and learning to be content with it. 

OR 

2. You can dive in. Find those people to facilitate the change you want to see for you and the ones you love. Streamline all effort and time into recovery, healing and peace. 

I'm not giving up.

Word Inventory

As difficult as this is -- because he can say so few words, I have to take inventory so we can track his progress.


Jack's current word inventory:

1.  Hi
2.  Bye-bye or BYE!
3.  Daw-Tee (Kane-y)
4.  Daddy
5.  Mommy
6.  What's this
7.  WOW!
8.  More
9.  Yummy
10.  Yay!
11. Oh no!
12. Shoes
13. Poopy
14. Potty
15. Kitty
16. Meow
17. A bath
18. Thank you
19. Please
20. Hug/Kiss

Working on:
Jump
Apple
Milk
Medicine
Oil
Lotion
Bedtime

School Dilemma

Jack was accepted into a special school for kids with ASD and has attended for two hours the last two days. I hate the idea of him going here. The kids are all non-verbal and don't even really make sounds - they just seem a lot more severe than Jack. 

I also found a lovely mother of 4 that runs a rural Montessori who is actively seeking a child with ASD to further her education - this is a typical setting and I fear sending him here might not give him the specialized help the other school can. But this school has a routine, structure and a normal environment with special attention to Jack. 

My god, I've never cried about something seemingly so trivial in my life. What do I do?

I've got a meeting with Montessori tomorrow at noon to check things out -- we will see. 

I've also got a meeting request with Jack's teacher at the ASD school to go over the following concerns:

1. How will Jack learn in a non-verbal environment?
2. What example does he have of typical behavior expected at his age?
3. What will they do to help potty train? 
4. What therapies will be implemented for speech development?
5. Will they adhere to his diet?