The first post..

I had to find a space to get all this stuff out of me, down on "paper".....just out. I've got so much going on -- I can't really focus on grammar or interesting text right now. I feel like I need a mind dump before I can get back to myself again. What's been going lately -- well, my son, Jack, who is my first born son, was diagnosed with Autism in late June after years of dreadful wonder. We were told in so many words to push for a diagnosis and that he was, in fact, not autistic but just a late bloomer. He is nearly 4 now and still can't hold a conversation. Bringing him to public places filled with "typical" kids is heartbreaking. I FEEL his frustration - not just in his frustration but his eyes. He seems so sad that he can't control himself, and his stimming. Stimming is self stimuation that brings calm, happiness, and comfort to Jack when he's feeling any number of emotions. He can be excited, upset, tired, anything - where a typical kid might say things - like yay! or awesome! or fun! -- Jack stims. But, I am not going any deeper inside this pity party house - oh no. Because shit happens, and that's life. Period. You have two roads in front of you - give up or keep going and try to make things better. I want to say I'm devoting this space to help others -- blah, blah, blah. But that's not true - it's for me and my mind. My sanity. It will evolve and change, I hope into something I can be proud of and when I've recovered Jack and he's old enough to understand all that was involved --- I will show him. Until then, here we go...first of many posts. At least it's a beginning to an end. I have a Skype meeting tomorrow with a Dr. that specializes in recovering kids with ASD. I feel huge, necessary change coming and hope we can all get on board. (ADRIAN!)